“I can’t believe you haven’t written about it on your blog!” my friend Broderick said to me on one of his visits to the house. Not the most recent one and probably not the time before that. Months ago, really. Sat at the island in the kitchen, I looked at him and gave him the tight smile/shoulder shrug combo and held up my hands as if to say “…weeellll…”. I didn’t know what to say. I kind of still don’t.
He had a point. I’ve been really honest and straightforward here on the blog…for years. I’ve talked about lots of stuff here that’s been really heavy. Me and this blog – we’ve been through a lot. So why was I at a loss for words now about this thing that was so huge, monumental, ENORMOUS even? Heck, I still am.
So here goes: we’re getting married. MARRIED.
On the most insanely quirky day last fall, under the guise of a pig roast, Mike proposed. The guys also set the pig on fire which started the day off with a moment I can only describe as “Benny Hill-esque”. After the smoke cleared and folks gathered, we had drinks and games and a toast that ended up being a proposal. Mike is a master of the surprise party and this was no exception. I was SURPRISED. Genuinely. Really.
I said yes (YES!) and there were some happy tears and more games and drinks and hovering over a (extra crispy) BBQ-ed pig eating it straight out of the pit and a couple phone calls and a photo or two.
This wedding that I’m just now talking about is the most Instagram-ed, Facebook-ed wedding that I haven’t talked about here yet. So why the radio silence here about something that I’m so stinkin’ proud of and happy about? Hell, this post has been sitting here waiting for me to pour my heart out for weeks.
Truthfully, I don’t have any words to describe how I feel. I’ve been stumped as to how I’m supposed to talk about something so important to me. We’ve been together for four-ish years. Somewhere in the beginning of it all, I think I said to him that I never thought I’d get married. It’s true – I didn’t. Not because I didn’t believe in it. I can say with great certainty that, although my parents were married up until my mom passed away, my family model wasn’t always the best. The view of marriage from where I stood was a really tumultuous, turbulent one.
The months and years after my mom’s death and then my father’s were, frankly, a really dark time for me. Much more so than I ever let on. Wondering where I was supposed to be in life, feeling like an orphan, trying to hold tight to the family of friends I’ve chosen, trying harder to make good choices. That empty feeling of loss compounded by more loss. Feeling cheated that my parents weren’t around anymore and weren’t going to see the next however many years so what’s the damn point. Being generally kind of a mess and diving into work to mask it
Meeting Mike happened at a time that wasn’t ideal for either of us – each of us processing our own grief and kinds of loss. We were friends first – months of notdating – and I always found myself wanting to talk to him. We sat at his house for countless hours under the little roof on his back porch and talked. And talked. And talked. One day, I just didn’t want to leave…so I didn’t. There have been some bumps along the way and, in the end, I’m very lucky that he loves me despite myself. I’m lucky I let myself finally be loved in a really meaningful way – a way that I don’t think I really saw growing up and a way I probably would have sabotaged any other time because of that. Loved by a person that makes me a better person just by association.
See? The words just don’t do it justice. They just don’t.
So in less than two months (!!!), in a flurry of glitter and sparkles and mismatched plateware and an ever-expanding collection of milk glass, we’re getting MARRIED. Now that I’ve spilled the beans here, I’ll probably be chatting about the stress of wedding crafts and the like. Next month, most of our most favorite people will be getting together to be a part of this really remarkable day, eat some BBQ, listen to great music and make a toast to us spending our lives together – much like they did the day we got engaged (except with less fire, hopefully).
English Bloodhound – makes 1 – recipe inspired by Miller Union in Atlanta, Georgia
While wedding photos are being taken by this talented guy, our guests will be enjoying a cocktail reception. This one, which happens to be one of my wedding colors, is in the running. I had this over ice at Miller Union and it was fantastic – you can serve it up like I did here, as well.
– In a shaker or large glass, combine ingredients and stir well to combine. Strain into a cocktail coupe or over ice in a cocktail glass. Garnish with a bit of peel or a cherry or nothing at all. Enjoy.
*I asked my ladies to be in my bridal party by giving them these scrolls – they turned out beautifully. They’re made by Choosing You on Etsy