no tears for the chickenhearted May 2, 2008

Raw_chicken_heartIt’s quite amazing to me…the power of this blog. I’ve shared so much of my life here on these virtual pages. I’ve allowed so much of myself to be exposed here. Sometimes, it’s a conflict for me because this blog is so interwoven with me as a person..as well as my professional life. Last year, though, I made a vow to myself that I would continue to be myself here on Running With Tweezers. The stories that I share here are part of who I am. Part of my evolution as a person. They make me stronger and better, in all aspects of my life.

In a few posts as of late, I’ve eluded to major life changes going on…but I’ve been too afraid to talk about them. Afraid because a big part of me wanted to take the "Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman with a Blog" approach (which so isn’t my style). Afraid because I felt embarrassment and silliness. Afraid because it was so personal. Not anymore.

Remember me talking about The Boy? He disappeared. Vanished. The last words I heard from him were I love you. Never to be heard from again. I know he’s alive…at least in the physical sense. He left me and our relationship with not so much as a goodbye. A magical year of closeness, love, trust, humor, and adventure…dismissed without a word. To say that I was shell-shocked and stunned would be an understatement. I’ve done my grieving, believe me.

That was weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks ago. 

Now I sit…on the deck of the vacation house I’ve been at for the past week. There were little random raindrops falling on me as I wrote this post in my head, dotting my glasses. Those weren’t tears. No tears for the chickenhearted. No fury. No anger. No vengeance. What I feel is pity. Sadness. I feel sorry for him. I look at this life of mine – every aspect of it – and it is pretty glorious.  Relationships end. People and feelings change – it happens all the time. That wasn’t the hard part. It’s the disrespect for the time we spent together and for me as a person. It was the ultimate in cowardice and deception, two things I have no room nor tolerance for in my life. Ever.

This week that I have spent away – after all of the drama and several
weeks of crazy work schedules – has just reinforced what I already know
and have known all along: my world is such a wonderful place. To be
invited into my life – and the lives of the people I know – and be able to share it
is a prize. I look at the photos I’ve taken in just the past few months…all of the experiences and memories I’ve made in just that short amount of time…and I am truly blessed.  Truly.

So this post isn’t about him. This post is about me. Those words are now better spent describing the joyous and wonderful things in my life, most important of which are the people I know. I leave my vacation with my heart full, thanks to my dear friends who were with me, either in body or spirit – Stephen, Alex, Tony, Mike, Michael, J-ko, Deana, Clint, and Susy & Martin. The support of my new network of friends and colleagues that I have made through this blog: Kalyn, Barbara and Bron and many others. To everyone that takes the time to read this blog and share in this journey with me, thank you.

I will be back in Atlanta tomorrow, rejuvenated from a long couple of months. I’m inspired to no end. I’m running again. Taking lots of photos. Feeling joy and happiness. As much as I have loved being here in St. George Island, I look forward to being back with my friends and putting all of this positive energy to good use…some of which will be channeled into this blog. I can’t wait to share this strength that all of you – whether in real life or virtually through this blog – have given me. I can’t thank you enough.

Also, thank you to Victoria who let me use her photo in this post. I couldn’t have expressed it any better myself. She makes rockin’ jewelry…you should check her Etsy profile out here: Experimental.

Comments

Kalyn May 2, 2008 09:05 pm

Tami, I think it’s a very positive step that you’ve shared publicly about what happened, and one that took a lot of courage. He’s a fool to let go of it so easily, that’s all I have to say.

Bron May 2, 2008 09:05 pm

I can’t wait to see what you will share with us next Tami.
Continue to hold your gorgeous smile high, you’re super!

Helen May 3, 2008 11:05 am

Good for you Tami. You sound like you have come through everything and ended up more positive. I’ve just passed the ‘E’ for Excellent award on to you and your blog. No worries if you aren’t into this kind of thing, I know it’s a personal preference. Just wanted to let you know I think the blog is great.

Chris May 3, 2008 02:05 pm

You are one strong girl, Tami! Thanks for being so open. Safe trip back! And, once the school year ends, we will have to meet up! :)

courtney May 3, 2008 09:05 pm

His cowardly loss. You have the right attiitude. And to use the cliche ‘It’s not you, it was him’.Just be prepared and strong when he pops up again. Cowards like that do. But your a strong woman so I know you’ll be OK. The blogging community amazes me .

C'tina May 4, 2008 03:05 pm

that’s why e is a ‘boy’ as you always refered to him…he wasn’t man enough for a strong confident beautiful woman…that look in every photo…says http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11286971 only you are to gracious to actually express it.

Food Rockz Man May 6, 2008 08:05 am

You’re beautiful . . . I’m in cyber-love with you . . . if only we lived in the same part of the world!

Chicken Fried Gourmet May 6, 2008 05:05 pm

Thank you for sharing, taht was a very well written and heartfelt post. Sometimes I feel like I tell people too much information or post things a little too personal but hey, that is me. If someone finds a fault with that, oh well stop reading my blog.Are we really here to please everybody else, no we are not. Thank you for showing us a piece of your life, I enjoy it.

Rae May 7, 2008 02:05 pm

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You’re a beautiful, talented and caring girl. You deserve better and this jerk doesn’t deserve you.

brilynn May 7, 2008 06:05 pm

I just don’t understand people…
I always debate how much to share on my blog, I sometimes hold back, usually just because I’m scarred to write more even though I want to.
Thanks for sharing.

shelley May 8, 2008 09:05 am

People seriously just suck sometimes, no ifs ands or buts.
Bravo for moving on, keep on blogging, keep on lovin’ life!

Michael E. May 8, 2008 10:05 am

What a wonderful post, Tami – I love that you share this with us and we all know how strong you are because of it. Keep it up!

Sarah Jul 1, 2008 06:07 pm

Tami,
I went through two major breakups during the life of my blog and I, too, struggled with how much to reveal, but it is your humanity and your realness that we, as readers, connect with. Thank you for being so open, and for weaving it so wonderfully with your writing about food. Your blog is good food for our souls! Continue to be good to yourself and know that this , too, shall pass.
Sarah