the foodie and the fast April 29, 2006

I’ve been gone way too long, I know. Between working way too hard and playing a little hard, this blog had fallen as an afterthought. I’ve also been struggling with extremely low energy and some health problems, which have most likely been diagnosed as anemia. This is something that’s been ongoing for years but no doctor has really taken the time to find out for sure.


As part of the solution, I’m cleansing. We’ll say I’m calling a health do-over. I’d be hearing about the Arden’s Garden Detox juice cleansing. Two gallons of their special mix of juice in two days. All the water you can drink. That’s it. Telling a foodie that they can’t eat is like telling Star Jones and Rosie O’Donnell to sit next to each other on a sofa – you just don’t do it. I’m taking one for the team here…and kick starting my more thoughtful way of eating.

For your reading pleasure, I’ve kept a running post going about my starvation hell weekend cleansing weekend:

Day 1 – Saturday

8:31am – So it begins. I’m actually *excited* about this. Pour a little glass and sit down to check emails.

8:32am – Hacking and choking and gagging commence. This is the epitome of no sugar added. Two gallons, eh? Bottoms up!

12:30pm – Take a bottle of water and a bottle of juice to the salon while getting my hair done. It must have been the fact that it’s lunch time…because I started getting giggly and hysterical. Between that and the constant pee breaks, I had to tip my hairdresser extra.

3:00pm – Meet Tony Clark and head to the Inman Park Festival. I don’t know what I was thinking going to a crowded festival, dodging drunks and strollers, without a gyro and a frosty beverage in my hands. I get surly quickly. As I said to Tony, "I am quickly losing my sense of humor". A beeline is made to the car.

6:56pm – Finally make it home to discover that I still have HALF A GALLON of juice to drink. !$%#?!?

7:23pm – I’m taking my jugs (the water and the juice, people…sheesh!) and climbing on the couch. I’m popping in my new El Bulli DVD narrated by Tony Bourdain. He always make me feel all tingly, which should distract from the pain in my stomach, right?

7:31pm – I wonder what Tony Bourdain’s arm would taste like with some fava beans and a nice Chianti?


8:24pm – I have five new pimples – four on my collarbone and one on my forehead. Faaaantastic. For all that, I could be rubbing raw bacon into my skin. Mmmm…bacon.

9:11pm – 9 1 1. How appropriate. How in God’s name do I still have 1/3 of a gallon of this stuff to drink? *burp*

10:05pm – Still not done with the gallon of juice. The Baby Geezus hates me.

12:18am- I fold. I’m going to bed with about half of a sport bottle full of juice. My eyeballs are floating. I’m off to count sheep…and if I catch one of those bitches, I’m eating it with some balsamic glaze and spring pea mash.

Sunday – Day 2

9:35am – A text message on my cellphone wakes me up from the deepest sleep I’ve had in weeks. 8 straight hours. My back hurts I’ve slept so hard. Either my body is trying to fall into a coma to avoid another day of this…or there’s something to this juice thing.

11:49am – The juice is going down like water. So is the water. I’m a champion. *insert Rocky theme here*

1:31pm – As I was peeing for the 18362752th time today, I actually thought to myself, "I wish I could just drink juice again tomorrow". I am officially delirious. Send help.

3:08pm – So….cold. I’m in Juicy sweatpants, a sweater, and my Fuggs. I am so not about having to turn on the heat on April 30th…but it might be coming to that.

6:22pm – This is also Day 3 with no caffeine. I really hate myself don’t I? *sob*

7:14pm – The last of the gallon has been poured into the sport bottle. I’m pretty sure I don’t have any enamel on my teeth or skin left on the top of my mouth from all of the acid in the juice mixture.

8:39pm – I have officially hit the wall. My head is throbbing, I’m shivering from the cold, and I’m alternating between wanting to cry and laugh. In all honesty, I don’t know if this last part is from the juice cleanse or my lack of human contact during the day.

9:54pm – So…tie….tie…can…barely…keep…my…eyes….open…



11:33pm – As I climb (weakly) into bed, my friend Michael calls. As we start to talk, it’s apparent that I’m punch-drunk and nuttier than Chinese chicken. A random question sends me into a total gigglesnort fit to which Michael says, "Well that answers my question about how you’re feeling!" I promptly go to bed thinking about sleep…and NOT food.

Monday – The Morning After

8:32am – Another killer night of sleep. Total rest and no interruptions. I’m not sure if its the lack of caffeine or the juice or what…but I’m onto something here. When I wake up, the first thing I do is drink more water – NOT run for the fridge.

I think the desired effect of this juice cleanse has been realized – and then some. I certainly feel better, more rested, able to stay away from the caffeine and some of the icky stuff that I’ve been consuming with abandon lately. The power of good sleep is greatly underrated…and its something that I need to be getting more – a surprise benefit of this weekend.

Hopefully, you’ll see a change in the sort of things I’m posting on this blog. In the past two days, I’ve been more excited about what I could cook at home than what I could go out and eat. You’ll be seeing less baked and pastry type things, more protein and veggie based dishes, and plenty of seasonal ingredients. Enjoy!


s'kat May 2, 2006 01:05 pm

You are indeed a brave woman! Two days of only juice? I for one couldn’t do it.
Hope you get your health squared away, and can’t wait to see what undoubtedly fresh and delightful dishes are around the corner.

Cath May 2, 2006 01:05 pm

Damn Tami, this is hilarious. So while I was stuffing myself to the point of not fitting over the weekend, you were going in the opposite direction. I seriously considered doing a fast this coming weekend. Do you recommend?

Tony Clark May 3, 2006 06:05 am

And to think, we were walking around the Inman Park Festival on Saturday. You weren’t thinking about sake and then basting me in a little wasabe and pickled ginger, were you?

Amity May 3, 2006 07:05 am

Thanks for posting about that. I’d thought about doing one of those before, and I’m glad to know what it’s like now.

Lis May 4, 2006 04:05 am

Gawd I feel your pain.. while I wipe tears from my cheeks due to laughing my ass off.. I think Anthony’s arm would be DELISH with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. I’m glad you made it through and more importantly that you are feeling better. Looking forward to future posts! Great job!

Heath May 5, 2006 05:05 pm

Is that your puppy? Because that might be the cutest picture I’ve ever seen.

Nerissa May 7, 2006 11:05 pm

Oh jeez… been there, done that— went insane. I totally TOTALLY id with you. I was laughing my ass off because I so related to it.

Stefanie lain Feb 28, 2007 05:02 pm

i am doing a juice fast right now and your comments about your experience kills me :) I am soooo cold, i can’t get my heat hot enough… LOL :)

Joslyn May 13, 2009 03:05 pm

This is soo cool! Im on my second day of Arden’s Garden 2 day jice fast. Day one WAS HELL!!! No one told me about the caffiene withdrawal headache from “The Depths of the Underworld” was coming! If you are a daily coffee drinker, just take a B.C. to get thru it. The second day is a breeze! My stomach is flatter already! Throw in some aloe vera capsules and you will lose at least 7 lbs. in a week! Never thought i could do it!! Dont ever underestimate yourself!